In mid-October, I decided that I would switch from Cox high-speed Internet service to Verizon’s FiOS. The decision was made because of speed, price, and reliability issues. That decision has proved to be a miserable one.

My first call to Verizon went smoothly, with my order being placed quickly. Ooops, she didn’t bother asking me for my credit card number. As a result, she let my order “expire” without notifying me.

My second call to Verizon was meant to quickly re-order FiOS. We went through all the questions and information, only to find someone in their system using my SSN. I was transferred twice before I spoke to someone who could de-conflict the identity issue. Oops, he was an ass and I wasn’t about to deal with him.

My third call to Verizon was to de-conflict the identity issue. Because of Verizon’s inability to keep identities straight, I had to fax several identity documents. They promised a call back within four hours of my fax. Oops, no one called back.

My fourth call–to check on the status of the de-conflicting–led me to be transferred about five times and on the phone for more than an hour, only to–oops–end up at the number I began and being told that everything had been cleared.

Too stupid to realize I should bail on FiOS, but smart enough to know calling was idiotic, I took to the Web. Signing up for FiOS on the Web was simple and I scheduled an appointment for between 8-12p on November 11, 2006. I wake up bright and early November 11 to be ready for the coming technician. Oops, the technician didn’t come.

At 1230p, I call Verizon–my fifth call, stupid me. Oops, they can’t find an order using my name, phone number, or address. Eventually, they were able to using my order number included in my order-confirmation e-mail.

The operator tells me the technician is on his way and that she will have him call me to provide an ETA. Oops, no one calls.

At 130p, I call Verizon for the sixth time, wondering (1) where’s my call back and (2) when is the technician coming. The customer service operator says that my “ticket” has been picked up and he should be there any minute, but that she’ll call him to see how long he will be. Oops, he’s still on a job and _has_no_idea_when_he’ll_be_here.

The operator tells me I should reschedule. Yeah, one more weekend day–if I’m lucky!–wasted! Oops, in trying to reschedule, the scheduling system that was supposed to take five minutes to “come up” is down, something I find out only after 15 minutes of abysmal ambient-space-jazz hold music.

Because the system is down, I’ll have to wait for a sysadmin to help. I tell her to forget it and cancel my order. Oops, she doesn’t have authorization to cancel my order and I’ll have to call a different number Monday through Friday. I tell her yeah right and that she’ll have to do whatever it takes to cancel my order because I’m done with Verizon.

Bah!